Looking for Pisces

Within every sign are lessons and wonder, Pluto's polarity point for me is Pisces so I am looking for Pisces. My evolutionary path is compulsive crisis in order to bring about change, inner emptiness that only spirtuality can fill up again, but that's just me. There is a consistency in me because the archetype of Pluto in Virgo is also the thing going on with the South Node in the 6th house, corresponding to Virgo. This is criticizing the self and being masochistic or sadistic as the person may be, depending. The polarity point for me is Pisces, and my North Node corresponds to Pisces in the 12th house. The 12th house North Node is about forgiving one's self and about faith. We want to grow, we want to dissolve old patterns of behavior. Terrible things happen when we do not. Pluto retrograde is about withdrawing from society's norms, so here enters Astrology for me.
So the polarity or opposite point of Pluto and the North Node are the future, or what we are evolving towards. When we are born with the parents that we had, this was our karma. This karma is often worked out by the age of 28 to 30 and then we strike out on our own. This desire to grow, even if it is extremely painful, is what we are doing deep inside. We can look back after many years and see our wrong thinking, the things that were not true.
It is interesting to look at Aries, the first sign in evolution. Not at all less important is Aries or with any less to give, there is instinctive learning through action. Self-discovery means one needs to be independent of relationships, to stop dependencies. To stop dependencies is a supreme form of giving because we are teaching others also to be equal in relationships. Since we are all on different paths then what I experience is different from you, what I need to learn is in a different classroom with a different teacher.
These ideas come from Jeffrey Green, who has written books about Pluto.
The ideas have the feeling of truth, although reincarnation is not an idea I embrace. I know that there are things that we do not know which are difficult to quantify. I cannot say if these ideas are true or untrue, only that they are interesting.
I was amused to Shirley McClaine in a recent T.V. interview and she was asked,
"How do you know that these things are true?"
She replied, "I don't know that they are true."
I have read of Jess Stern, who tried to prove reincarnation and every time he could not.
Reincarnation explains things beautifully, however I wouldn't want us to be like India, where people accept cruelty to the lower classes because they deserve it don't they? Otherwise they would have been born in a higher class if they did not, wouldn't they? Religion has brought them to this cruelty, how awful is that?
The signs themselves are loose fitting clothes, different for every person.
I remember the joyfulness of Leo and the pattern of self-expression. The sense a Leo has of being special and of special purpose. The 5th house is Leo for us, ruled by the Sun as Leo is ruled by the Sun. You cannot deny, knowing one, that Leo is a Leo for they shine brightly.
I cannot deny Taurus as my hubby is one, that this is a real thing. It is said that Taurus seems glued to their chairs just as they are to their opinions! I laughed when I read that, for it is just too, too true. This inertia seems to be an effect of Sun in Taurus. He is in no way less himself for being a Taurus, he does in fact have a Moon in Aquarius. He clings to certain patterns and disregards others for an Aquarian Moon just like his Mars in Gemini is about new ideas and he doesn't embrace new ideas at all. These undercurrents of our being confuse us and repressed they come to light in strange and unusual ways. I am like his shadow self and his North Node is the same degree as my Sun in Sagittarius. It is said the Nodes are about relationships in some mysterious manner, there is some fate in our knowing each other I cannot see.
So my past is about being hard on myself and as the South Node position is easy to do. Life seems to be pushing me hard by being critical of myself to force me to defend myself. To be so hard on me, to punish me so severely, that I try to grow past feeling worthless.
As for Hubby's shadow self, he has 2 children who are Aquarians and one who is a Leo. The future is stamped on an Aquarius and self-discovery is stamped on a Leo. His shadow self is constantly emphasized by his family. If we refuse to grow we become increasingly dissatisfied and unhappy, we don't know what we want but we want it badly. We want to grow. Traumatic experiences force growth on us and we may unconsciously seek trauma and crisis, forcing growth on ourselves when we refuse it. Happiness is supposed to be around the bend after we go through these terrible things. I hope so.
I try to understand why things have happened to me, to think that there is a reason is very inspiring to me.
It is a fact that there are people who kill thier own success, thinking themselves undeserving. They say Neptune represents these unconscious judgments we make of ourselves. While we seeks success and pay lip service to how great we are outside inside we may be planting landmines in our path we know we are going to step on.
For if astrology is right then life is just school, and we are all in a classroom.