Counting Crows

The Counting Crows first burst on the scene in 1993 and have been making great music ever since. They remind me of myself, a collection of different kinds of music from all different kinds

of artists is in my house, and this band will remind you of many different types of music. The songs although they say are written by the entire band, seem to be mostly from Adam Duritz. He seems to be suffering from pain says my husband and he does when he sings. He does have a great voice that seems to draw you in, he seems to be singing directly to you. For those of us suffering from depression it is easy to see what some of these songs are about. Depressed people often feel better when it rains, like the outside then reflects the inside. In one song he sings, "when kindness falls like rain". While they experiment with different sounds it seems like the topic remains the same, the eternal search for an identity when that identity keeps changing on you, the fear that you might disappear, and a wish for a love to come back that was lost in the past. It is obvious the hard work that has gone into each of these songs, the perfect guitar solos and the great vocals by Duritz. The new CD to me anyway is as great as what they have done before and I was sure to be at the record store on the release date. Nowadays there is so much music out there but you could do much worse than picking up a Counting Crows CD. When you see Adam Duritz on television you will see someone who looks at the camera differently from other folks, I can't explain it exactly. When you see Adam talk on television it is easy to see this kind of charisma that draws you in and this strong personality.

How To Know You Are A Writer

When I got my literature textbook in school I always thought it was more interesting to read the little biographies of the authors rather than the stories themselves. I also read the entire book right away. I alway loved reading about authors and how they write and how they started to write and what kind of people they were. Soon it became clear what kind of people were writers.
Writers are always voracious readers. They are always reading and will read anything if nothing else is available. One summer I was stuck with my aunt who lived miles away from any store or library and she had exactly two books, the Bible and The Good Earth. I read them both and was quite puzzled at this book about peasant Chinese and felt them just like me, people that nothing ever happened to. My life was as dull as theirs. It would have been wonderful if someone had noticed that I loved books and bought me one or two, but everyone seemed to think all you needed was a television for entertainment. Asimov, the famous science fiction writer reported picking up a book at a book convention and finally putting it down two hours later and was amazed at how much time had gone by. I am amazed how at yard sales people will sell books for a dime each, books seem to me to be the most valuable thing at these sales. Time gets away from me too when I am reading. My husband complains that I burn dinner everytime I get a good book. There is nothing like being swept away into a story, nothing is as beautiful as language that makes you forget the words and instead see pictures in your head.
Another things about writers is that no one can tell you that you are wasting your time. I do not believe it. No one can tell me that I cannot write. Where this certainty comes from, I don't know.

Depression

I really hate those commercials depicting depressed people who sit around and do nothing looking sad. Depression can also express itself in being easily irritated while working hard, and I don't see anyone depicting that! Many of have to keep working because we have to and some of us keep busy to distract ourselves from these low moods. Depression is also widely varied and it is said that each depression is as different as the people who are having it. It seems to me that people may easily get the wrong idea, depression on television looks just like someone with a bad case of the flu! Depression has been experienced by many famous people who gave something to society, and they didn't do it moping around the house in thier pajamas! They say electrical activity goes on in our brain, synapses firing and making connections and that sometimes chemical imbalances happen. It is said that depressed people do not have enough serotonin in thier brains. I am not an expert on depression I just blog my own opinions as you must know, here I am on blogspot. It is true that depression can manifest itself in the way shown on television but somehow I feel people will get an impression that is not true. There are a lot of theories, but one is that depression may be nature's way of telling us to slow down. Of course, nature didn't mean the deep depressions that people experience, they are just exploring that path to see where it leads. Our minds and bodies that we use every day are more complicated that anyone can understand, least of all me.

When I first started learning astrology I did not think about how the stars were directing our lives, it was enough to know that they did.

Now I have painted myself into a corner, I am embracing ideas that contradict each other. I believe that we decide our destiny and not stars and planets or comets and I also believe that they do decide our destiny.

It is the same old question: which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I say it doesn't matter which came first, we have chickens and we have eggs and that is the way it is never mind how it came to be.

When I think of astrology I think of it as a general outline. You have problems in your life and in addition you have that pesky Saturn and that too rowdy Mars always messing things up. Never mind that Saturn and Mars are within you, well you don't think of the planets that way. It is true that we can't stop being ourselves and we can't stop our emotions and in a way the destiny of personality has been decided when we were born just like astrology says. I think that we have a lot of room to move within this framework. We have these energies and it is the way in which we handle them, with free will, that determines our future. That is a definition of reality that works for me, everyone can substitute thier own.

I was unhappy with my Saturn right at the ascendant and rising right before the Sun.

It means that this heavyweight planet is not only the strongest influence in my life it is also my scout planet. Saturn is about discipline, duty, responsibility. Saturn makes you have to work hard for everything that you get in life. Jupiter hands out freebies but not Saturn, not ever. Your scout planet shows the way you should approach life, the lessons you need to learn and the qualities that you need to have. Yeah, I know I need these things, these are the qualities I so do not have. At the same time I feel these things as the right thing to do and the right thing to be and I feel responsible for my friends and I feel I have to keep my word at all costs. So even while you are not enjoying the lesson you are learning it, Saturn casts his rays and we have no choice, Saturn also represents the things we cannot escape from, one of those things being Saturn itself.

House

Everyone in my family loves House. I think it is the best thing on television. My daughter complains that they are ruining the show for her with all that"medical stuff."
"What do you mean, it is a medical show." I said.
"Well just when you start getting really into it they show an operation with blood and everything or they are sticking a needle in someone's eye or something else yucky." she said.
I should have known what she meant, for it is not for the patients and thier medical problems that you watch House to see; it is House himself. He seems to a puzzle that you must figure out, one minute he seems so cruel and the next so kind. I must admit when I first saw him I thought him a funny looking fellow, why he looked like he had slept in his clothes and he was not a bit handsome at all. Now when he walks into the room in a scene I watch more closely, not wanting to miss something because he talks rapid fire and you'd better be listening or you'll miss it.
His sarcasm makes my daughter laugh with delight, it is like the funniest thing to see someone say exactly what they think and never mind the consequences. Even more he shows us the heavy responsibilities that doctors take on thier shoulders every day. And you got to wonder just what is going on with him and Cutty? There is some sexual tension there. She can give back to him just as good as he gives to her, this is one strong woman. I think the writers are very good at tantalizing us with clues as to House's true nature, and it is a fascinating puzzle. I find myself wondering what would make House happy and feeling for him just as though I knew him, I forget that I am watching a mere television show.

Moon

The moon shows our emotions. It could be said that emotions come and go quickly just as the moon waxes and wanes. If the moon is in a money house it means that your income has ups and downs, and just as the moon is always changing so does those things in the house that your moon is in at birth.
My husband has Sun in Taurus and Moon in Aquarius which is quite different.
Taurus is so conservative and Aquarius is so not. He handles this by compartmentilizing, which us humans do very well. In his relationships with people he is as detached and far out as the Aquarian moon he is, but in business he is all Taurus and sticks to conventional rules.
We are all a bundle of contradictions and it is so easy to see that with astrological symbols.
I think that many people do not think much on thier own about who they are, rather they see themselves in the reflection of how others react to them. There is nothing wrong with that and it is valid. The moon is a clue to what is underneath all of our outside life to what is inside. The moon is feminine and can represent our mother or females in general. My husband was quite insulted when I told him Taurus was a feminine sign, which only means he relies on inner resources and thinking before jumping into things. I won this argument! The astrological tome I was reading said that Taureans like blues and mauves.
Guess what colors he painted the rooms in our house!

Cats

She is an acrobat, a window dancer, a trapeze artist, a ballerina.
When I come in and it is dark she knows I can't see her so she mewls quietly, patiently, unfailingly polite.
Last nite I dreamed
She was flown to New Orleans
To teach table manners.
and while she was there
she was brought out to declare
that the perfect shade of brown
were her paws and silken ears
the crystal blue of her eyes were the coolest of hues
for mandarin dresses and envelope purses and high-heeled shoes
While bulbs were flashing from her photograph being taken
I was suddenly awakened by my cat
she looked at me as though she knew
my aristocrat in my house is my cat
and she is keeping secrets from me and you!

Writing

Writing can bloom like a flower. Who knows why? Sometimes a story will be written all at once and be perfect the first time, how does that happen? The silences of country life seem to be a vacumn that an aspiring writer will fill, it seems to make you want to write. Silence and the things that come into your head when you are silent are the things you need to pay attention to. Sometimes it is difficult to slow down when we have so much to do. I fear that if I do slow down I will like it too much and become quite lazy. I hate to waste time, but sometimes a little time to yourself in the silence is just what you need.

Chiron the comet that thinks it is a planet

It seems to be a general agreement that Chiron acts like a planet.

Chiron represents our own wounds and also how we can help others with thier wounds.

The house that Chiron falls in tells you in what area of your life you have been wounded. Mine is in the third house which rules (Among other things) your early education. Higher education is ruled by the ninth house. I was "wounded" during my early schooling. Since Chiron is in a fixed sign, the wound is supposed to be around a long time. The third house also rules communications and people with Chiron in the third house often say that people did not listen to them when they were young. I can certainly attest to the fact I had a lot of trouble getting people to talk to me or listen to me. Chiron has added another planet to our knowledge, even though this planet is a comet.

Neptune

Neptune is the planet of illusion among other things. Where Neptune is in our charts is where we dream our dreams or maybe lose sight of reality.
My Neptune is in the eleventh house of dreams, hopes and wishes. I am always anticipating great and magical things in my future.
Neptune is linked to every other planet in my horoscope and is well-aspected. That means I dream safely and without fear. My imagination is my greatest gift but my dreams though vivid and a lot of fun never make me lose touch with reality. I don't think dreams and reality are so much different really not when magical things do happen and dreams really can come true. Astrology is just one clue to our inner life.

No One Talks To Me

As a writer you just can't ignore Stephen King. Everyone knows his books, his movies
His book Misery is like an open door into a writer's mind.
His book "On Writing" is as good as one of his novels.
I think that a ruthless honesty is the reason for his success.
Carrie was his first success and the horror in the book is something that I had never seen in a book before. There was always one girl in a grade at my school that everyone humiliated. It was like open season for all kinds of insults. Janis Joplin was one of those girls in school. She reported that people actually threw things at her. I was one of those girls. Stephen King has said that he did not like Carrie White but he modeled her after two girls he had known in school and it was obvious that he felt sympathy for them. Yet he says he did not like his protaganist in Carrie. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not been one of "those girls".
I turned to books and an inner life. I would sit next to people who would not speak to me and pretend nothing was wrong. I would act like I didn't care in the least. I actually met one of my schoolmates later in life when my roommate brought him to our apartment. I am thinking hey, we are not snot nosed kids anymore and guess what. He wouldn't talk to me.
My parents were told that although my grades were excellent they advised them not to let me skip a grade because I needed to be with kids "my own age" I don't see how they could have missed me sitting alone in the cafeteria everyday and people pointing and laughing at me. I was not interacting with the other kids at all!
Get this: my fourth grade teacher was the one who started this. She hated me and was constantly sending me to the principal's office. I would sit there for hours sometimes! I never told my parents because I thought it was my fault! Guess why: because of my brother. My brother had gone to a county school which she considered "inferior". She sent him to the principal's office once because he spelled a word incorrectly. She would tell us, "You are the elite." I am not sure what that means, but I think Hitler said it to the German people. It means you are superior to others.
As I have grown older I realize more and more that I am angry. I am angry that I missed sleepovers and birthday parties and boyfriends and all of it for no reason at all. In the fourth grade I guess I would have been 10. Ten! A judgement was made and there was no appeal, no mercy.
All of us elementary school rejects should start a club.
All I can say is this, whoever someone is I talk to them. Anyone who wants to talk to me, I am listening. And I will sit with you in the cafeteria and not be afraid someone will see me with you.
My brother went on to be hugely popular and married his high school sweetheart.
I went on to be eternally angry at the world.
I think social rejection is harder for girls and as King put it, the girls were much meaner to the grirl rejects and truly hated them. The boys ribbing the outcast boy were much more good natured. I don't know if this means girls are more cruel than boys, but hey, I guess it does.
At least it is true when girls are 10, 11, or 12 anyway.

Daughters

My daughters

They ask me why they look so different with the same parents. I do not know. One has curly hair that is brown. One has straight hair that is blonde. One has green eyes. One has blue eyes. They have to have different soaps because one has dry skin and the other has oily skin. One loves boys and the other does not. They like different foods. One wears bright colors, the other wears black or grey. One is country and the other is rock'n'roll. Our lives are filled with mysterys and it is mysterious to me how I had these children who were so obviously themselves before they even learned to talk. It is like they were themselves already before they were born, perhaps our children live in heaven before they come to earth. It is yet another thing about life that we will never know and only be able to guess.

Girls Like Western Wear

This is my daughter Amy. She grabbed this old hat and she wanted pictures made. I was watching "City Slickers" and was amazed at how much better the actors looked when they donned their cowboys clothes and hats. There is something you gotta love about cowboys and there is nothing better for a man to wear than western clothes. Come on guys, grab yer spurs and chaps and dusters and ten gallon hats and dress up for us females! I would love it if when I went to town every male young or old was dressed this way! I drooool over custom cowgirl boots.
At one time the publishing industry thought that the western book was gone forever. I am happy to say that westerns are back big and that is how it should be. The great thing about loving this period in history is that you share it with men-they love the Old West. I love to have a passion I can share with my husband. I also happen to love hats and hope they come back. Remember Lucy and how she was always buying a new hat! The I Love Lucy show was actually what I thought marriage was like when I was young. She was a cowboy in one show and she took on the mannerisms of a man so perfectly it still makes me laugh! Cowboys are so much a part of America and what we believe America is and about standing up for what is right and good. Louis Lamour wrote a great book about writing and his advice was the best advice of all I think. He said each must find his own way, his own method of writing. It is not in the nature of writing that you can do exactly what some successful writer does and be successful. You have to be you and no one else, express your individuality. It is only in being yourself that you find success is the advice I hear most often. Cowboys believe in freedom and individuality and it is also needed for successful writing.

Hillbilly

It has been said that modern life has made wimps out of us all.
They say that humans have evolved into a species that cannot bear the extremes of hot or cold or hunger and thirst and that if we didn't have heat and air conditioning and pizza delivery we would all die because we can no longer survive a harsh environment.
Obviously, the writers of this article forgot one thing.
Hillbillies.
They are the toughest people you will ever meet.
I was listening to grey haired grey bearded fellow at work who was explaining the gourmet deliciousness of turtle and how it has eight different flavors depending on exactly which part of the turtle you are eating. Also he makes his own jerky the way the Indians did, by building a campfire and drying it over any handy old stick. Contrary to popular belief and the Beverly Hillbillies, hillbillies do not eat possum. Possum is disgusting. Squirrel is delicious and easy with ownership of a treeing dog. Raccoon is eaten and was raised by some like you raise pigs.
Besides being able to get their own food they are miraculously resistant.
There were two brothers and one shot the other in the abdomen. A week later he finally sought medical help because as he put it, "It just worn't getting no better."
Hillbillies are also famous for working awhile and then becoming disgusted with the constant daily work, work, work they wander off and hunt deer or whatever season it currently is. Sometimes they seek the wilderness and 'cause there was just too much "talkin'"

Astrology muses

My natal sun sits on the galactic center at 26 degrees Sagittarius. Mmm, I always knew I was the center of the universe.
My husband has his Sun conjunct Algol. This is the worst star in the heavens. He was also born on Friday the 13th.
He has had his leg amputated, wounded by an accidental gunshot, had everything he owned stolen from him, was in prison for contempt of court for cursing while speaking to a judge about a speeding ticket he didn't think he should pay, a piece of hay seriously wounded him in the right eye while hauling hay, was denied disabilty because he waited too long, (did you know there was a time limit? We didn't.), had a hammer fall on his forehead, accidently hit a light pole and then had to pay for it, was in bed for weeks because he hurt his back moving a refrigerator, set the yard on fire and accidently stabbed himself in the hand. He does not believe in the stars or in bad luck! He is always cheerful when he is working on some wood but what does a women do with eighteen jewelry boxes? I said, try to make something else please!

confessions

Writers write and what I have been writing all my life are confessions. The written word is a place where you can confess to anything. Fiction is the most truthful of all things I think, even though it all supposed to be made up. It is very revealing to write and what you choose to write about. Through all this writing I have made the monumental step of articulating myself. You have to think about it to write it and discover you have opinions that you'd never realized, judgements you had made, belief systems you haven't really thought about but they are there.
And aren't writers a great sort of people the way they always want to help other new and struggling writers such as myself instead of staying high up on their mountains garnering praise and royalties in their ivory towers.
Books saved my life.
No, I am not joking.
I liked it when Asmiov was asked that hadn't he wasted so much of his life reading and writing?
He replied that it was the best way to live a life.
I agree.