Saturday, February 21, 2009

No One Talks To Me

As a writer you just can't ignore Stephen King. Everyone knows his books, his movies
His book Misery is like an open door into a writer's mind.
His book "On Writing" is as good as one of his novels.
I think that a ruthless honesty is the reason for his success.
Carrie was his first success and the horror in the book is something that I had never seen in a book before. There was always one girl in a grade at my school that everyone humiliated. It was like open season for all kinds of insults. Janis Joplin was one of those girls in school. She reported that people actually threw things at her. I was one of those girls. Stephen King has said that he did not like Carrie White but he modeled her after two girls he had known in school and it was obvious that he felt sympathy for them. Yet he says he did not like his protaganist in Carrie. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had not been one of "those girls".
I turned to books and an inner life. I would sit next to people who would not speak to me and pretend nothing was wrong. I would act like I didn't care in the least. I actually met one of my schoolmates later in life when my roommate brought him to our apartment. I am thinking hey, we are not snot nosed kids anymore and guess what. He wouldn't talk to me.
My parents were told that although my grades were excellent they advised them not to let me skip a grade because I needed to be with kids "my own age" I don't see how they could have missed me sitting alone in the cafeteria everyday and people pointing and laughing at me. I was not interacting with the other kids at all!
Get this: my fourth grade teacher was the one who started this. She hated me and was constantly sending me to the principal's office. I would sit there for hours sometimes! I never told my parents because I thought it was my fault! Guess why: because of my brother. My brother had gone to a county school which she considered "inferior". She sent him to the principal's office once because he spelled a word incorrectly. She would tell us, "You are the elite." I am not sure what that means, but I think Hitler said it to the German people. It means you are superior to others.
As I have grown older I realize more and more that I am angry. I am angry that I missed sleepovers and birthday parties and boyfriends and all of it for no reason at all. In the fourth grade I guess I would have been 10. Ten! A judgement was made and there was no appeal, no mercy.
All of us elementary school rejects should start a club.
All I can say is this, whoever someone is I talk to them. Anyone who wants to talk to me, I am listening. And I will sit with you in the cafeteria and not be afraid someone will see me with you.
My brother went on to be hugely popular and married his high school sweetheart.
I went on to be eternally angry at the world.
I think social rejection is harder for girls and as King put it, the girls were much meaner to the grirl rejects and truly hated them. The boys ribbing the outcast boy were much more good natured. I don't know if this means girls are more cruel than boys, but hey, I guess it does.
At least it is true when girls are 10, 11, or 12 anyway.

1 comment:

  1. I'm an elementary school reject. But I don't like being angry. It's not much fun for me.

    You can sit at my table.

    (BTW, hit enter twice between paragraphs for internet postings. MUCH easier to read. =)